I know that I have been super inactive on Tumblr recently but life is at it’s peak and I’m having a blast with my friends! I’m going to be MIA for another week because I’m going on my graduation trip with my year group, which means that I’ll probably be out in the sun and not cooped up in front of a computer!

I have a backlog of posts I’ve been meaning to publish so I promise that graduation, summer favorites, prom and grad trip posts will be coming up when I get back! Oh, and I also have lots of super yummy food photos to show you guys.

Summer 2012 is amazing so far and I’m just enjoying every moment of it while it lasts. Anyway, I’m going to finish packing and I’ll be heading down to Kaohsiung with my friends in less than an hour! ♥

Today is my graduation. A day supposed to be filled with excitement, anticipation, a bittersweet feeling as you leave the place where so many memories were created. As a child of divorce, my parents rarely come to any events of mine together but today I wished that they would. I guess I was too hasty in making my wish because now I am left with a sense of foreboding and dread as I worry about the impending awkwardness between them.

I want to be bright and optimistic, but I can’t help but feel so much anxiety about how it’s all going to pan out. When my parents divorced, I was too young to feel anything. I remember them telling me and I didn’t react at all. I didn’t ask why, I didn’t cry, I didn’t even think much about it. Only as I got older, did I begin to question them and experience the full impact of what it meant not to have a complete family. Most days go by when it doesn’t affect me but just today, I wish my parents weren’t divorced. That’s obviously too unrealistic, so at least I hope that they’ll be able to put aside their differences just for one night.

When people ask me what my biggest fear is, I always used to say it was not being loved or forgetting important memories. Now I realize, my biggest fear is that I’ll end up like my parents. My biggest fear is that my children will understand how I feel and what’s even worse is that I wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop it. I could do everything in my power to avoid it but it still might not be enough - there is always the possibility of a failed marriage.

This post is blatantly honest, a real insight into my emotions but I ask that you do not pity me. Divorce can be painful for everyone involved but I haven’t become the person I am today if that hadn’t been a life-altering moment for me. I feel that I have become a much stronger person and more independent but I still haven’t lost how it feels to be vulnerable and for that, I don’t regret a single aspect of my childhood.

I’m not actually that excited for the ceremony but I can’t wait to see everyone all dressed up and looking gorgeous :)

Both my prom dress and grad dress are dark blue! It wasn’t on purpose haha, I was actually quite desperate to get a purple dress for prom this year but didn’t see any I liked. It’s floor length and one shouldered :)

Awhile ago I blogged about wanting these Marc Jacobs earrings and my friends L and C  got them for me as a birthday present! Today I went back and saw them in the cutest pastel pink color and they also had a pretty neutral cream colored one. Anyway, my friend J and I were taking silly pictures of ourselves with fake glasses on in a cheap accessories shop when I saw fake versions of my earrings. For a fraction of the price, they were pretty much the same thing and I could barely tell that they were counterfeit in the store. When I got home, I took my real ones out to compare and the contrast between them became much more obvious but from afar, they still look quite similar.

Since school finished, I’ve been swept away in a whirlwind of events so I haven’t had much time to sit down and blog. Everyday seems to be jam packed with different events and I barely have time to take a breather before the next day arrives. There have been two graduation rehearsals where we go through the tedious process of walking up and down the stairs multiple times in order to get the pacing just right and practicing how to sit down in synchronization. I guess it’s the last thing anyone really wants to do right now when summer is beckoning us to go outside and enjoy the welcoming rays of warmth.

On a brighter note, I finally got my prom dress! It was much cheaper than my allocated budget and didn’t actually take too long to hunt down. I took the advice from the anon who sent me a message awhile ago telling me that there were some shops near Sogo and managed to find one that I really liked. That dress was a hidden treasure inside a shop full of hideous garments and I was actually starting to lose hope before I saw it. I swear it was made to fit me because it reaches perfectly to the floor when I wear heels and drapes flatteringly in all the right places.

Since finishing exams, I’ve learned that I’m just not cut out for clubbing and partying. Every time we’re heading out at night, I always coincidentally feel sick that day and it just ruins the whole experience. I realized that I don’t actually enjoy it that much so I decided not to go to my post-graduation clubbing celebration and post-prom party. Call me a loser but I’d much rather stay home and Tumblr or YouTube!

Tomorrow is my graduation ceremony and will be another busy day as the morning and afternoon pre-graduation will be spent being pampered with my mother at the hairdressers and nail salon!

As I entered the exam room, I could feel every nerve in my body vibrating in excitement. I was more jittery than I had been for any of the other exams but this time it was in anticipation and not nervousness. When the invigilator said “You may begin to write”, my hand was stiff and unyielding, moving much too slowly against the paper. Once I willed myself into exam mode, I lost myself in my concentration and when my eyes relocated the clock, it was almost time.

When I walked out, my friends were there to greet me with their congratulations but the feeling of being blissfully free hadn’t really sunk in. During lunch, J  reminded me that we were no longer high school students, however, I was still waiting for it to finally hit me. I only truly felt the full extent of my happiness when we were all walking home together in the beautiful summer weather with the sun shining brightly above us. It was the most perfect day, the weather reflecting every inch of how I felt and nothing could ruin that picturesque image. The past week had been a gloomy mess, the rain making me even more depressed at the thought that I had to study while everyone else was out relaxing.

The first thing I wanted to do wasn’t to throw some big celebration and head out partying into the night. It was, although cliche, to spend time with some of the most important people in my life. That’s how we ended up spending the first afternoon of our summer - playing Monopoly and cards.

It was like the old days, where life was innocent and carefree, where there were no worries and I felt like I had all the time in the world. I’d forgotten what that felt like. I guess the past few years I’ve always had some agenda or commitment at the back of my mind but today, I was able to let it all go.

How am I going to celebrate my first night after exams? As ironic as it sounds, I’m going to bury my nose in a book. For the longest time, I couldn’t wait until I no longer had to open those dreaded textbooks, yet what I want to do tonight is to engross myself in “Game of Thrones” and read until my heart’s content, not worrying about what time I’m going to wake up tomorrow and not worrying about cell theory, decision trees or Le Chatelier’s Principle.

Life often presents us with disappointments but today is not one of them. Life beyond the finish line feels every bit as good as I had imagined.

This is going to be an incredibly random rambling post about my insignificant and uninteresting life which I feel I must write to break up the inactivity of my blog for the past week. The past couple of days have been an alternation of hardcore studying and intense relaxation which has worked out pretty well for me, considering that I don’t feel as guilty when I’m taking a break as I would have if I hadn’t crammed in a few hours of studying the day before. The weather has been extremely erratic, suddenly raining when you least expect it so I’ve been caught in the downpour more than once this week without an umbrella.

As I hid in the shade of a nearby shop to wait for the rain to stop, I looked out the window and saw a woman with a massive pig. Even in Taiwan, this is an unusual and strange sight. The pig was ‘doing it’s business’ and the woman was picking up after it - how lovely. I’ve seen people with small domestic pigs as pets here but I’ve honestly never seen a pig that size unless it was from a farm.

Apart from seeing pigs on the streets, I also got tickets for my friends and I to go to our grad trip which has made summer seem so much more imminent! I always knew that our grad trip was coming up soon, but actually holding the tickets in my hands physically has hit home about how soon it really is and how much fun we’re going to have.

On a completely unrelated note, I discovered the most amazing dumplings today. I’ve always thought the popular Michelin-starred restaurant Ding Tai Fung was overrated and I had been thoroughly underwhelmed every single time I’d been before. Whenever people would say that they wanted to eat there, I inwardly groaned because I’d always classified it as an overly hyped restaurant with long waits and overpriced fried rice. I reluctantly tried it again today and discovered that their vegetable dumplings in chili oil are the best things ever! The skin was so chewy and delicious and the chili oil had just enough spice to it without making me gasp for water. I could seriously just go back and eat bowl after bowl of that. On the other hand, the dumplings in the right photo still don’t impress me much even though they’re the flagship dish of the chain and everyone always goes on and on about how amazing they are. Personally, I’d have my chili oil dumplings over those other ones any day! If you haven’t tried them before, go right now to your nearest Ding Tai Fung and grab a bowl.

To know that you have disappointed someone is one of the worst feelings in the world. I wonder, do you understand how much you disappoint me?

I don’t have unrealistically high expectations, I don’t demand too much from you, I don’t ask for anything more than what’s reasonable. So why is it that every single time I raise my hopes slightly, I end up disappointed? I should have learned my lesson by now, considering the fact that it’s happened so many times in the past. I guess I keep hoping that this time it’ll be different, that something would click in you and you’d finally realize. Now I understand that it’s too much to ask from you.

Blame isn’t something that I often throw around. It’s usually ‘no one’s fault’ or a misunderstanding created due to lack of communication. But this time, it is your fault. There’s nothing even debatable about it. So don’t try to deny it and say “there’s nothing you could’ve done”. You were the only person who could have done something and you didn’t do enough. 

Why do I not have a right to feel upset when you disappoint me the way you do? It doesn’t matter if I care or not, because either way I end up hurt. The escape I know is to draw away from you because then I won’t feel the pain - then I won’t remember the hurt. I have tried to be supportive; I have tried to be encouraging but what is the result of that? All I get in return are empty promises and insincere apologies.

Congratulations, today you finally opened my eyes to the reality of the situation. It’s better to not expect anything so you won’t end up disappointed. I finally learned my lesson today.

All I have to say is: I’ve never been so disappointed in you.